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The 9 Life Domains: How Setting Relationship Goals Can Transform Your Year
- iveycounselingweb
- Dec 30, 2025
- 2 min read
The framework for the 9 life domains used in this article comes from Your Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt. His work offers a holistic approach to goal setting that honors the complexity of real life which is something I see reflected daily in the therapy room. When people think about goal setting, they usually picture weight loss, finances, or career growth. Rarely do they think about intimacy, emotional connection, or relationship health, yet these areas quietly shape everything else. I often see that couples who feel disconnected aren’t failing at love, they’re simply living inside a system that never taught them how to build intimacy intentionally and sustainably.
What Are the 9 Life Domains?
The 9 life domains provide a holistic structure for personal growth goals:
Spiritual
Intellectual
Physical
Marital / Relationship
Parental / Family
Social
Vocational / Career
Financial
Hobbies / Fun
When even one of these areas is neglected, stress spills into the others. Many couples come to therapy focused on conflict, when the deeper issue is that their relationship domain has been left unattended for years.
Why Relationship Goals Matter More Than You Think
Most couples don’t lack love—they lack systems for connection.
Intimacy erodes not because people stop caring, but because work, parenting, mental load, and burnout slowly replace emotional presence. Over time, partners become logistical teammates instead of romantic allies.
This is why relationship goal setting is essential. Not as pressure, but as devotion.
Achievement Goals vs Habit Goals in Relationships
The most powerful change happens when couples use both achievement goals and habit goals.
Achievement Goals (Milestones)
• Attend a couples retreat
• Read one relationship book together
• Take a 3-day getaway without kids
• Complete six months of relationship check-ins
• Repair a long-standing conflict with the support of a therapist
Habit Goals (Daily Practices)
• 10 minutes of uninterrupted connection nightly
• One daily expression of appreciation
• Weekly “State of the Union” relationship meeting
• Phone-free meals
• Daily six second kiss (research from Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-six-second-kiss/)
How Habit Building Restores Emotional Connection
Neuroscience shows that relationships heal through repetition of safety, not dramatic conversations. Every time a partner listens without fixing, or reaches for connection instead of withdrawing, the nervous system learns that intimacy is safe again.
The Cost of Ignoring the Relationship Domain
• Loss of sexual desire
• Emotional numbness
• Increased conflict
• Feeling unseen or misunderstood
• Growing parallel lives aka becoming roommates
Bringing the 9 Life Domains Into Your Year
Ask yourself:
Which life domain feels the most depleted right now?
What would devotion, not perfection, look like here?
At Ivey Counseling Center, I help couples build goals that don’t add pressure, but instead create containers for intimacy, safety, and growth. Your relationship does not need another hard conversation. It needs a system for turning toward each other again.
The 9 life domains framework referenced in this post is adapted from Your Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt, a resource I recommend for clients who want a practical, whole-life approach to goal setting.
